HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
