I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
