and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
