we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
