just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
