i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
