That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
