One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize