who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A bitchslap is in order.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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