Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
