just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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