I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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