i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
