I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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