covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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