is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
