: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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