Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
