Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
