Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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