she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
