neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
