anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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