Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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