Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
