now i know why i became what i already was.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
