your parents love me but you hate me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just had sex bonerless
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
