that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Boobs are out for the taking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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