It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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