I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
