i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
