Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
