So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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