Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
