Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
