Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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