i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
