I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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