so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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