Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
