i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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