dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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