i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
