I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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