When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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