On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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