just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
