I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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