hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
