Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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