How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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