I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the day after is always just damage control
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
