On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
And then he peed in my hair
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