Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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