my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize