I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sober January is a disaster.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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