Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
