i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
