wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
