So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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