he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
