I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
