So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
