I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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